Who am I?

Who are you? Is this a difficult question to answer? If someone was to ask me that, I would say "I'm Dhyana." Easy enough right? But who am I deep down? Who am I under the name? I have no idea.

I had a child very young, right out of high school. My parents, who were divorced, were not interested in helping me. They told me I made a horrible decision and they would not support it. My father chipped in financially every now and then, mostly letting me live under his roof. However I always worked, always paid my own bills and provided food and diapers for my child. My father would move in to a new girlfriend's house every year or so at which point I would find someone else's couch to crash on breifly. I jumped from house to house, state to state, and eventualy landed in a homeless shelter. Long story short, I pulled myself out of the slump, went to shool, got a job and my own apartment. I was exhausted, but at least I had everything under control. It took me 7 years to get there. I had a 7 year old child at that point. Then I met my wonderful husband. If it wasnt for him, I dont think I would have been able to keep this all up. He has been a tremendous help over the years. He is very loving and supportive.  So where's the problem?

I have dont nothing but tried to keep my head above water and stay alive. I was in "survival mode" for long that when I finally emerged, the stress was embedded in my soul. I had a rough childhood, teenage years, and young adulthood. Tension and stress exist in the very core of my being, it will be there forever. Now that I am recently unemployed, and will be for some time, I have had time to tbhink about myself. I have no idea who I am. I've never had time to think about it, and now I'm at a total loss. This is terrifying. I feel like I'm stuck in a pit and every time I try to crawl out I sink back in. I see things I want and they're all out of reach. Sometimes I get the things I thought I wanted and then I realize I dont want them. And the I wonder "Why did I want this in the first place?" I have no idea, I cant figure it out. I feel lost and aimless. Someone out there has help for me. I just need to find them.